Juggling Chaos: What Really Goes on Inside the Mind of a Working Mom with Two Sets of Twins

Being a mother is no easy task. When you add the pressures of work, it can feel even more overwhelming. For those of us trying to balance work life with the chaos of a home filled with little ones, especially as a working mom of two sets of twins, the struggles quickly become all-consuming.

I want to shine a light on the mental load of being a working mother of four kids under the age of four. You'll discover how to navigate this tightrope and whether anyone truly has it all together. Spoiler alert: it’s a constant balancing act, and here’s a peek into this chaotic yet beautiful world.

The Reality of the Mental Load

Having several young children is truly beautiful chaos, yet a mother’s mind is filled with numerous responsibilities. The mental load encompasses the unseen burden of planning, remembering, and managing family life, along with endless worries. Worrying about their health. Worrying about their development. Worrying about whether I'm giving them enough love and attention. Worrying about my job performance. Worrying about the tone of the email I received from a colleague. Worrying about whether my boss is keeping track of how often I need to leave early or arrive late due to a sick child or needing to take someone to an appointment. I feel like I need to parent as if I don't work and work as if I'm not a parent.

My mind feels like a hamster wheel on overdrive. I know things get overlooked. I know I drop the ball more often than I’d like. A basket of unfolded clean clothes constantly reminds me that I'm never truly "on top of it."

When people find out that I'm a working mom with two sets of twins, I often receive similar reactions. They typically say things like "I don't know how you do it," or "You always seem like you have it all together." While it's somewhat flattering to hear that I appear to have everything figured out, part of me feels saddened. I don't feel like I know what I'm doing. I take it one day at a time, trying to balance everything. I'm overwhelmed, overtired, and overstimulated. I don't want to give the impression that this is easy because it's the hardest thing I've ever done. The "good kid" in me often felt like this was an image I had to uphold, that I needed others to believe I could excel at juggling all of the demands of being a working mom. Breaking news: No one can, and no one, besides myself, expected that I would.

It took me a long time to realize that I don't need to "have it all together," and I honestly don't want people to think that I do. There's no way to maintain balance. My life is in a constant state of disequilibrium. However, I've developed some strategies to help me navigate this chaotic phase of life. I want to share some things that have been helpful for me in the hopes that maybe one of them can help you too.

Discovering Your Fundamental Values

Various aspects of my life require more attention at different times. I've learned that it's essential to focus on my top priorities and ensure that these remain clearly in view. I recently participated in an exercise where I had to identify my top fifteen values, then gradually eliminate three at a time until I was left with my top three. These top three values turned out to be:

1. Family

2. Authenticity

3. Compassion

I have these words displayed at my desk at work, on my phone, and at home. They help me recognize what is truly important when things feel chaotic. I simply prioritize the tasks that align directly with my top values, with family being the foremost. If something in my life doesn't directly align, it doesn't mean I eliminate it entirely; it just means it isn't my top priority.

Dealing with the Everyday Routine

Creating a consistent daily routine has been crucial for managing our chaos. Each morning, daycare drop-off/pick-up, meal times, and bedtimes are the same. We flourish with predictability. This doesn't mean we're inflexible. It simply means that the routines help us quickly return to normal if something goes awry or if we need to alter our schedule temporarily.

Consistency offers comfort to both me and my kids. However, maintaining this routine while balancing work is a challenge that demands ongoing adjustments.

The Challenge of Time Management

I won't pretend that I've mastered time management entirely. Nevertheless, I've learned to account for unexpected events or emotional breakdowns in my schedule. Adjusting my schedule isn't just beneficial; it's crucial.

I'm actively exploring various methods to keep our family organized. Although this is still a work in progress for me, I can clearly notice a reduction in my anxiety levels as my time management skills improve.

Self-Care in the Midst of Chaos

Self-care is often overlooked, but it’s vital when managing daily tasks of motherhood and work. Carving out personal time might seem selfish, but it’s crucial for maintaining the mental focus and energy needed to manage chaos.

I enjoy quilting and have recently found a love for hand embroidery. I often engage in these activities while listening to an audiobook or podcast once the kids are asleep or during their naps. These peaceful times rejuvenate me. I've always considered myself an introvert but have recently realized my need for connection. I've built strong friendships with other moms in my neighborhood. We come from various backgrounds, follow different religions, and have different parenting styles. However, the shared experience of motherhood unites us. These friendships have been crucial to my well-being during this stage of life.

Asking for Help

This is a challenging situation for me. Many mothers feel the need to handle everything on their own, but seeking help is a sign of strength. Support from family or friends can offer essential moments of relief.

My parents live close by, and I consider my mom my best friend. Aside from my husband, she is often the first person I reach out to in almost any circumstance. My parents are also the ones we usually rely on when we need assistance with taking the kids to appointments or staying home with a sick child.

Connecting with other mothers who have similar experiences allows for sharing advice and even just venting about the daily challenges. My neighborhood mom group chat has been my saving grace. This camaraderie fosters lasting friendships rooted in understanding and empathy.

Embracing the Journey

In the whirlwind of daily life, it’s easy to forget to pause and enjoy the little moments of joy. From spontaneous giggles to the lovely messes at home, appreciating these details allows me to gain perspective.

Life is about balance. Making the most of both work and motherhood enriches the entire experience. I remind myself to embrace the journey rather than aiming for perfection. This mindset has made the chaos more enjoyable.

Navigating the Complexities of Motherhood

Juggling the demands of being a working mother with two sets of twins creates unique challenges. It involves continual juggling, organization, and a healthy dose of self-compassion. It’s a powerful reminder that nobody truly has it all together, and that’s completely normal.

Embracing flexibility, prioritizing self-care, seeking help, and cherishing life’s little moments can make this journey fulfilling, even amid chaos. For all the working mothers out there, remember: this beautiful mess called motherhood is worth every minute.

As you walk your own path, may you discover balance, understanding, and joy in the midst of chaos.