Navigating the Challenges of Potty Training Twins: Embrace the Journey and Go with the Flow

I want to begin by admitting that I am not a potty training expert. You might assume that with my extensive experience with children's bodily fluids, I would have developed a perfect system by now. I've handled enough messes that I would have hoped to create a patented program, promising potty training success and earning millions. However, this post is not that. I'm not claiming to be an expert, but I have been through, and am currently navigating, the process and have picked up some insights along the way.

1. Don't Force It

I learned the hard way about the importance of recognizing when a child is ready for potty training. With my first set of twins, I was determined to train them simultaneously, believing it would reduce stress in the long term. I was mistaken. I ignored the signs my children were showing about their readiness for potty training, leading to power struggles. I vividly recall one particular night when I was alone with two potty-training 3-year-olds and two infants. One baby was crying from exhaustion, I was rushing a pantless toddler to the potty after catching them mid-poop in the living room, and the other toddler was in the process of wetting their pants. It was then I realized neither my toddlers nor I were ready. I was forcing the issue simply because I thought they should be potty trained by a certain age.

The second time around, it became clear that my daughter was ready to potty train while my son was not. We started the process earlier with her, and I'm not concerned about whether my son is on the same schedule. He will show signs when he's ready. He's already asking to use the potty more often, though not consistently. Watching his sister train and his two older brothers use the potty has been encouraging for him, but we're proceeding at his pace. Removing the pressure to train them simultaneously has been far less stressful. I'm following their pace instead of forcing something they're not ready for.

2. Setting Up for Success

Initially, I underestimated the significance of having the right equipment. I assumed a small toilet seat placed over the toilet would be sufficient. I soon realized how mistaken I was. I'm going to share what has worked for us, but remember, what works for us might not be ideal for your situation.

We began with a toilet seat that includes an attached toddler seat. This has been incredibly useful for transitioning from a toddler potty training potty to the actual toilet, helping them become more independent sooner and reducing the fear of falling in. Also, a little step stool is an absolute must for promoting independence.

I quickly discovered that more than just a new toilet seat was needed for potty training. I bought a potty training potty that I could move around the house. This was very helpful at the start of our potty training journey. I often brought the potty to them, placing it near their favorite hiding spots for pooping. It might sound unpleasant, but it was effective. It often accompanies us to the backyard as well, where I set it on the deck to make it easily accessible, reducing the challenge of convincing them to pause their playtime to use the potty.

With portability in mind, I bought a travel potty that now stays in the van. This has been a lifesaver at parks without bathrooms, t-ball games, and long road trips. It makes it easy to turn the van into a makeshift port-a-potty. These potties come with bag liners similar to grocery bags, which you simply knot and dispose of in the trash when done.

I let the kids pick out their own underwear and give them fun character-themed underwear as holiday gifts. I make wearing underwear a big event to get them excited about it. With two sets of twins, I expected to need a lot of underwear. There are frequent accidents, and if your kids are like my daughter, they might enjoy trying on a new pair every couple of hours. You might wonder, and yes, my boy/boy twins share all their clothes, including underwear. Is that gross? Probably. But it's too hard to keep track of whose underwear is whose when they wear the same size. It's likely something they'll talk about in therapy later in life.

3. Consistency is Key

We've experienced the most success when my husband and I align our expectations and communication regarding potty training. We aim to use the same prompts for going potty and adhere to a consistent schedule. With our oldest set, we would remind them every thirty minutes to an hour to use the potty. Having tight routines and language makes it easier for us to deviate from the routine when necessary.

Our daughter has never required this approach, as she typically goes when she feels the need. Recently, a stomach bug circulated through our household, which necessitated her returning to pull-ups. This was a departure from our consistent routine but was essential for our peace of mind and to protect the carpet. This caused some regression, but it's nothing she can't recover from. She's had a few more accidents since returning to underwear but will soon revert to her normal routine.

4. Embracing Mistakes and Accidents

Twins bring twice the challenges, including mishaps. Stock up on carpet cleaner and disinfectant, and accept it as part of the journey. Although it's very frustrating to deal with repeated accidents, I strive to ensure my little ones don't feel embarrassed when they occur. It's all part of the learning process. I make a big deal out of their successes and keep things calm when accidents happen, even though I am often internally wincing, gagging or rolling me eyes. When they do occur, I promptly help them clean up and then address the mess. Experiencing accidents is often crucial for kids to understand what happens if they don't reach the potty in time, making them more likely to succeed next time.

5. Celebrating Milestones Together

We implemented a coin jar reward system with our older set of twins during their potty training journey, which proved to be an effective and engaging approach. The concept was simple yet powerful: every time they successfully used the potty, they would earn a coin to place in a designated jar. Specifically, they received one coin for peeing in the potty and a more substantial reward of three coins for pooping. This distinction not only encouraged them to recognize the differences between the two actions but also provided an incentive that made the entire process feel like a game rather than a chore.

The visual aspect of the coin jar played a crucial role in their motivation. As the coins accumulated, the jar became a tangible representation of their progress, and the excitement of watching it fill up served as a constant reminder of their achievements. Once the jar was completely full, it signified that they had earned a prize, which was typically a small toy or a fun activity. This reward system not only celebrated their successes but also reinforced positive behavior, making them eager to continue using the potty.

In contrast, we are not utilizing this coin jar method with my daughter, as she has shown a remarkable level of motivation and enthusiasm for potty training from the very beginning. Her natural inclination toward potty training has made it unnecessary for us to rely on external rewards, allowing her to develop a sense of independence and accomplishment on her own.

This experience has highlighted the varying motivations among children when it comes to potty training. The coin jar system was particularly beneficial for our less motivated potty trainers, providing them with a structured way to understand the rewards of their efforts. Overall, while the coin jar reward system was instrumental for our older twins, we have found that every child is unique in their approach to potty training. Understanding these differences has allowed us to adapt our methods to suit each child's individual needs.

Conclusion

While the dream of a million-dollar, foolproof potty-training system remains just that – a dream – the lessons learned through the messy realities of training multiple children are undeniably valuable. The journey is less about expert techniques and more about patience, observation, and a willingness to adapt to each child's unique rhythm. From recognizing the pitfalls of forcing readiness to the power of celebrating even the smallest victories, the path to potty independence is paved with a whole lot of grace. Ultimately, it's a testament to the fact that while we may not have all the answers, navigating these challenges with flexibility, consistency, and a good sense of humor can lead to success, one accident (and one cheer!) at a time.