Balancing Acts: Navigating Transitions with Twins

As everyone knows, parenting is challenging. One of the greatest challenges for me as a parent of multiples is managing transitions. Just when I think we've settled into a good routine, another transition is on the horizon. As someone who has always found change difficult, transitions have consistently triggered my anxiety. Introducing new foods brought anxiety, moving the babies out of our room caused anxiety, and weaning off bottles also resulted in anxiety. With two sets of twins, change has become a constant, requiring me to adjust my approach to transitions.

Our youngest twins recently attempted to crawl out of their cribs. One of them fell, biting their tongue and shedding many tears, which disrupted nap time. This incident signaled to me that it was time for a change. Goodbye cribs, hello big kid beds. Within a week of the climbing incident, I found two matching twin beds on Facebook Marketplace, purchased bumpers and bedding, and revamped and cleaned their room. I am grateful for my mother's assistance during this process, as it wouldn't have been completed without her help.

I understand that I could have easily transitioned their cribs to toddler beds or placed their crib mattresses on the floor. However, I prefer to make these transitions as special as possible, as I find more joy in doing so. I wanted to transform their room into a fresh, new space. If I was excited about it, I could share that excitement with them. I decided to move directly to twin beds to avoid multiple smaller transitions. By switching to twin beds, I eliminated the need to transition them from toddler beds later. I always seize the opportunity to consolidate transitions.

Throughout the day, as I dismantled cribs and set up new beds, I felt anxious about how our little ones would react. The transition to beds with our older set went remarkably smoothly. We relocated them to their new room roughly four months after our youngest set was born so that they could use the cribs. However, our youngest set is quite different from the oldest, and I was concerned that the change might lead to numerous sleepless nights and power struggles.

I reflected on the first night and how we would establish new routines. My husband and I both participated in the bedtime routine for the initial few nights to ensure we were both involved in shaping the new structure. On the first night, they were slightly apprehensive about the change, but with plenty of hugs and reassurance, they managed it gracefully. Within a week of the transition, they were falling asleep independently and sleeping through the night. They also developed a routine where, upon waking, they turn on the light, go to their bookshelf, and read books together on each other's bed. They naturally adapted to the routines and structures and now love their "big kid beds."

Reflecting on the numerous transitions I've experienced in parenthood, it appears that our children are usually prepared. My anxiety is self-imposed, as they consistently meet challenges successfully. I'm the one restraining them while they embrace change effortlessly. I'm not sure why, but their adaptability always surprises me. When it comes to moving to new beds, our two-year-olds have grown in their ability to comfort and support one another. This newfound freedom has strengthened their bond.

It's a humbling reminder that children often possess a remarkable resilience and adaptability that we, as parents, tend to underestimate. Perhaps the greatest lesson in navigating these transitions is learning to trust in their ability to grow and adjust, and to recognize that sometimes, the biggest obstacle is our own fear of change. While I'm sure more transitions lie ahead, I'll try to remember that they're not just about saying goodbye to one phase, but also about welcoming the beautiful, unexpected growth that comes with the next.

Beyond Mom: Rediscovering Myself Outside of Motherhood (with Two Sets of Twins!)

As Women and Mothers...

As women and mothers, we are programmed to put others' needs in front of our own. It's one of the many magical things that makes women so incredible. However, it can quickly become our own demise, and in my case, it was. Motherhood, especially with two sets of twins, is an all-consuming experience. Diapers, feedings, tantrums – it's a constant whirlwind of demands. I felt myself slipping away, my identity slowly eroding beneath the weight of constant caregiving. The woman who once enjoyed reading, quilting, and running felt like a distant memory. I was lost in the fog of motherhood, drowning in a sea of baby clothes and toys, barely able to keep my head above water. I was struggling to remember who I was before I became a mom of four, before I prioritized everyone else's needs above my own.

The Early Days: Lost in the Fog of Motherhood

When my first set of twins arrived, I entered an entirely new state of existence. Everything felt different. My life seemed turned upside down, and I navigated each day, feeding by feeding. The priorities I had before becoming a parent no longer held significance. My existence was entirely focused on ensuring those precious little ones were fed, rested, and clothed. Add to that a touch of postpartum depression, anxiety, and rage, and I became a shadow of my former self. After two twin pregnancies and c-sections, my self-esteem was low as I felt disconnected from my own body.

Rediscovering Myself: Small Steps, Big Impact

Now, my four children are two and almost four years old. I finally feel like I'm emerging from the chaos and rediscovering myself. Yes, it has taken time, but I believe every woman goes through this at her own pace, when she's ready. I realized I was dedicating all my energy to being a good mother but neglecting to be a good wife or take care of myself. Gradually, I started prioritizing myself, and not only did I find myself again, but I also began to redefine who I am.

I realized I needed to take care of myself during the brief moments available while working full-time and managing the demands of parenting young children. I had to begin with small steps. It was also essential to have a supportive partner who could manage things at home when I needed personal time. The feeling of mom guilt is persistent and can overwhelm you if you allow it. However, having a partner who understands the importance of self-care is vital.

Finding My Creative Outlet

I am passionate about creating beautiful things and am particularly attracted to color, with a love for quilting. I find joy in working with beautiful fabrics and patterns. However, this hobby becomes quite challenging when you have young children. Quilting requires a lot of equipment, uninterrupted time, and sharp tools, which aren't ideal around toddlers. I hope to find time to quilt again soon.

Meanwhile, I needed an activity that satisfied my creative urge and love for color. Enter hand embroidery. This hobby isn't bound by a specific place or time. I can work on it in small increments and even while cuddling with a toddler. It has fulfilled my need to create and to learn new things.

The Power of Connection

The most significant thing that has reconnected me with myself is connection. As a mother of two sets of young twins, I often felt invisible and isolated. I epitomized "unrelatable." It was challenging to prioritize friendships, and even when I did, they felt different. My entire sense of purpose and identity had shifted. I realized that these connections didn't always evolve with me and weren't what I needed at the time. I still wanted to nurture lifelong friendships but also needed to feel recognized in my current life stage.

I didn't actively seek out new mom friends but encountered them while strolling around my neighborhood with my kids. I would meet various moms in the area and start casual conversations. This led to exchanging numbers and organizing playdates. These spontaneous playdates evolved into gatherings for the moms. This has resulted in forming a very strong and supportive neighborhood mom group. My connections with other moms began with the simple act of getting outside with my kids in the neighborhood and intentionally greeting those I passed by.

These friendships have been easy to maintain due to proximity and because we are all in the same life stage. I know that if I reached out for help in our group chat, I would receive immediate and unquestioning support. We organize monthly full moon night walks around the neighborhood to ensure we consistently meet and prioritize connection. However, we all understand if someone can't attend, and we catch up the next time.

Finding Myself Again: A Stronger, More Evolved Woman

The connections I've built with these moms have reignited old passions and sparked new ones. Many of them are avid readers. I used to be before having kids and missed getting lost in new worlds and stories. I used time as an excuse for not reading. I started listening to audiobooks. I would listen during my commute, while embroidering after the kids went to bed, and whenever I had a free moment. This has rekindled my love for books and storytelling, providing an opportunity to connect more with my mom group as well as other friendships.

Rediscovering myself has been a journey of self-discovery, a peeling back of layers to reveal not only the woman I used to be, but also a more confident, resilient, and compassionate version of myself. Motherhood has stretched me beyond my limits, forced me to adapt and grow in ways I never imagined. I've learned to navigate challenges with grace, to prioritize my well-being, and to embrace the power of community. This journey is ongoing, a constant evolution. There will be setbacks, and that's okay. The important thing is to keep moving forward, to prioritize yourself, and to remember that you are worthy of love, joy, and fulfillment. You deserve to nurture your own soul, and in doing so, you become a better mother, a better partner, and a better version of yourself. So, I encourage you to take that first step, to embrace the journey of self-discovery, and to rediscover the amazing woman you are – the woman you were meant to be.

Juggling Chaos: What Really Goes on Inside the Mind of a Working Mom with Two Sets of Twins

Being a mother is no easy task. When you add the pressures of work, it can feel even more overwhelming. For those of us trying to balance work life with the chaos of a home filled with little ones, especially as a working mom of two sets of twins, the struggles quickly become all-consuming.

I want to shine a light on the mental load of being a working mother of four kids under the age of four. You'll discover how to navigate this tightrope and whether anyone truly has it all together. Spoiler alert: it’s a constant balancing act, and here’s a peek into this chaotic yet beautiful world.

The Reality of the Mental Load

Having several young children is truly beautiful chaos, yet a mother’s mind is filled with numerous responsibilities. The mental load encompasses the unseen burden of planning, remembering, and managing family life, along with endless worries. Worrying about their health. Worrying about their development. Worrying about whether I'm giving them enough love and attention. Worrying about my job performance. Worrying about the tone of the email I received from a colleague. Worrying about whether my boss is keeping track of how often I need to leave early or arrive late due to a sick child or needing to take someone to an appointment. I feel like I need to parent as if I don't work and work as if I'm not a parent.

My mind feels like a hamster wheel on overdrive. I know things get overlooked. I know I drop the ball more often than I’d like. A basket of unfolded clean clothes constantly reminds me that I'm never truly "on top of it."

When people find out that I'm a working mom with two sets of twins, I often receive similar reactions. They typically say things like "I don't know how you do it," or "You always seem like you have it all together." While it's somewhat flattering to hear that I appear to have everything figured out, part of me feels saddened. I don't feel like I know what I'm doing. I take it one day at a time, trying to balance everything. I'm overwhelmed, overtired, and overstimulated. I don't want to give the impression that this is easy because it's the hardest thing I've ever done. The "good kid" in me often felt like this was an image I had to uphold, that I needed others to believe I could excel at juggling all of the demands of being a working mom. Breaking news: No one can, and no one, besides myself, expected that I would.

It took me a long time to realize that I don't need to "have it all together," and I honestly don't want people to think that I do. There's no way to maintain balance. My life is in a constant state of disequilibrium. However, I've developed some strategies to help me navigate this chaotic phase of life. I want to share some things that have been helpful for me in the hopes that maybe one of them can help you too.

Discovering Your Fundamental Values

Various aspects of my life require more attention at different times. I've learned that it's essential to focus on my top priorities and ensure that these remain clearly in view. I recently participated in an exercise where I had to identify my top fifteen values, then gradually eliminate three at a time until I was left with my top three. These top three values turned out to be:

1. Family

2. Authenticity

3. Compassion

I have these words displayed at my desk at work, on my phone, and at home. They help me recognize what is truly important when things feel chaotic. I simply prioritize the tasks that align directly with my top values, with family being the foremost. If something in my life doesn't directly align, it doesn't mean I eliminate it entirely; it just means it isn't my top priority.

Dealing with the Everyday Routine

Creating a consistent daily routine has been crucial for managing our chaos. Each morning, daycare drop-off/pick-up, meal times, and bedtimes are the same. We flourish with predictability. This doesn't mean we're inflexible. It simply means that the routines help us quickly return to normal if something goes awry or if we need to alter our schedule temporarily.

Consistency offers comfort to both me and my kids. However, maintaining this routine while balancing work is a challenge that demands ongoing adjustments.

The Challenge of Time Management

I won't pretend that I've mastered time management entirely. Nevertheless, I've learned to account for unexpected events or emotional breakdowns in my schedule. Adjusting my schedule isn't just beneficial; it's crucial.

I'm actively exploring various methods to keep our family organized. Although this is still a work in progress for me, I can clearly notice a reduction in my anxiety levels as my time management skills improve.

Self-Care in the Midst of Chaos

Self-care is often overlooked, but it’s vital when managing daily tasks of motherhood and work. Carving out personal time might seem selfish, but it’s crucial for maintaining the mental focus and energy needed to manage chaos.

I enjoy quilting and have recently found a love for hand embroidery. I often engage in these activities while listening to an audiobook or podcast once the kids are asleep or during their naps. These peaceful times rejuvenate me. I've always considered myself an introvert but have recently realized my need for connection. I've built strong friendships with other moms in my neighborhood. We come from various backgrounds, follow different religions, and have different parenting styles. However, the shared experience of motherhood unites us. These friendships have been crucial to my well-being during this stage of life.

Asking for Help

This is a challenging situation for me. Many mothers feel the need to handle everything on their own, but seeking help is a sign of strength. Support from family or friends can offer essential moments of relief.

My parents live close by, and I consider my mom my best friend. Aside from my husband, she is often the first person I reach out to in almost any circumstance. My parents are also the ones we usually rely on when we need assistance with taking the kids to appointments or staying home with a sick child.

Connecting with other mothers who have similar experiences allows for sharing advice and even just venting about the daily challenges. My neighborhood mom group chat has been my saving grace. This camaraderie fosters lasting friendships rooted in understanding and empathy.

Embracing the Journey

In the whirlwind of daily life, it’s easy to forget to pause and enjoy the little moments of joy. From spontaneous giggles to the lovely messes at home, appreciating these details allows me to gain perspective.

Life is about balance. Making the most of both work and motherhood enriches the entire experience. I remind myself to embrace the journey rather than aiming for perfection. This mindset has made the chaos more enjoyable.

Navigating the Complexities of Motherhood

Juggling the demands of being a working mother with two sets of twins creates unique challenges. It involves continual juggling, organization, and a healthy dose of self-compassion. It’s a powerful reminder that nobody truly has it all together, and that’s completely normal.

Embracing flexibility, prioritizing self-care, seeking help, and cherishing life’s little moments can make this journey fulfilling, even amid chaos. For all the working mothers out there, remember: this beautiful mess called motherhood is worth every minute.

As you walk your own path, may you discover balance, understanding, and joy in the midst of chaos.