Overcoming Infertility: A Personal Journey to Twin Parenthood

To understand our path to twin parenthood, you need to first understand our journey through infertility. This is something I have been pretty guarded and reluctant to share about in the past. Struggling with infertility made me feel less than and ashamed. I did not want people to know our struggles in fear that it would lead to judgement. I did not actively seek to find women who had been through experiences like my own. Looking back, I should have. I needed to build a community around me with those who understand the path I was walking on and could support me through it. A stigma has been created around women's health and infertility. I felt that I needed to struggle in silence and keep my experiences private. Infertility can be an isolating journey and one I now know I need to share in hopes that this will help another woman walking through the same struggles.

My story around infertility starts way back when I was in college. During my sophomore year, I had experienced some health issues. After many doctor appointments, blood work, and ultrasounds I learned that I was extremely anemic at the time and had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). PCOS is when your ovaries produce an abnormal amount of androgens. This leads to cysts developing on the ovaries as well as hormonal irregularities. For me, this significantly impacted the regularity of my cycle. I rarely ovulated or got my period naturally. When I was diagnosed, no one explained to me what a PCOS diagnosis meant and the implications it would have on my health. I was simply told I needed to be on birth control to regulate it. When I asked if PCOS could possibly impact my ability to conceive later down the road, I was told that we would worry about that when I was ready to start family planning.

Fast forward eight years. My husband and I were married in December of 2018 and wanted to start a family soon after being married. My PCOS was still very prevalent. Due to this, we needed support conceiving with medication. This process included a lot of doctors visits, blood work and logistics. There are a lot of protocols that go into this process. I needed to take progesterone to induce a period followed by taking another drug on specific days of my cycle to promote ovulation. This was followed by a blood draw on day twenty one of my cycle. This would indicate if the medication worked and I ovulated. If the cycle was unsuccessful, the process would start all over again.

There is also an emotional aspect during this processes that I was not ready for. The ups and downs became overwhelming and all consuming. The medications had some intense side effects which included mood swings and irritability. I began living life in month to month increments. My brain would begin to spiral and think about all the what ifs. Is this the month we would get pregnant? Will I have to go through the process of medications, doctor visits, blood work and mood swings again? What if this process doesn't work? Will I have to do something more invasive like IUI or IVF? Does my insurance even cover IVF? Could we afford it if it didn't? Would I ever be able to have children? It became all consuming. I didn't feel I could talking about it with anyone outside of my husband and mother. I felt scared, isolated and insecure.

We had begun the infertility process in the fall of 2019. My doctor originally put me on Clomid. After three months and increased dosages, my blood worked indicated that my progesterone levels were so low that there was no way I had ovulated. My doctor had then switched me to Letrozole. This was followed by two more unsuccessful rounds. By this time, it was March 2020 and the world was closing down due to the pandemic. Our clinic stopped all infertility treatments. While it was upsetting at the time, it ended up being a God-send. I was able to give my mind and body a pause. Even though we were in the midst of a pandemic, I felt like I could breathe for the first time in a long time. I was able to process how emotionally taxing the process truly was. While I still desperately long for a child, this break helped me to feel like myself again.

In May, I met virtually with my OB to make a plan for starting infertility treatment again. Due to having no success with Clomid or Letrozole, she put in a referral with the fertility speciality and we discussed the possibility of IUI. We could not get an appointment with the fertility specialist until August. In the meantime, my OB and I decided to do one more round of Letrozole on the strongest dosage. During this round, my twenty one day blood work indicated extremely high levels of progesterone. We did not know we were pregnant at the time, but it gave me hope that my body was responding the way it was supposed to. Soon after that we found out we were pregnant. We now know that the progesterone levels were so high due releasing two eggs and being pregnant with twins.

My infertility journey lasted less than a year. I never needed to meet with the fertility specialist to discuss IUI or IVF. I am blessed beyond words that this journey led us to two sets of healthy twins. I know there are women who's battles with infertility last much longer than mine, are much more invasive and cause them to make decisions they never thought they would have to make. Not every woman's journey ends with the children they so desperately desire. This path to parenthood shifted my perspective on what is truly important. I will never take my sweet babies for granted. My life is chaotic, my house is messy and my kids are loud. When I become overwhelmed by the chaos, I remind myself that I am living a life that at one point I thought I would never have.

What Is It Really Like to Raise Two Sets of Twins? A Parent's Honest and Insightful Perspective

Life since 2020 has been wild! We went from zero to four kids in a matter of twenty-two months. Noah and Elliott were born in February of 2021. Isaac and Emma were born in December of 2022. We get a lot of questions about what life is like and what our household looks like on what seems like a daily basis. To us, this is just our normal. We don't know what a singleton pregnancy is like. We have not experienced life with one baby. We have always done things in pairs. After talking with singleton parents, I am quickly learning that our reality is far from normal for other parents. I want to discuss and address some common questions to help you get a glimpse of what life looks like with two sets of twins.

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How did you react when you found out you were having twins for the second time?

Since we had been shocked with the news of twins once before, I had mentally prepared myself that twins would be a possibility again. I was still extremely surprised. I convinced myself that the odds strongly favored that I would have a singleton pregnancy. After the initial surprise, my brain was trying to figure out the logistics of how we would manage and support two sets of twins. Yes, I was overjoyed, but I had no idea how we were going to make it work. I never imagined having one set of twins let alone two. Would we put four kids in daycare or would I quit my job and stay at home? Could I handle another twin pregnancy? How would we financially make this work? What vehicle will I need to buy for four carseats? How will I manage two newborns and two toddlers at one time? Will I be able to provide the love and time that each kid deserves? Taking time to talk and process all of these things with my husband and family was a huge help for me. We planned for each logistical hurdle one at a time which helped me to feel ready to welcome two more babies into our family by the end of my pregnancy.

What are some of the biggest challenges you face with two sets of twins under 4 years old?

It is pretty common for me to be holding a baby while playing with a toddler or getting them a snack. Someone always needs something from me whether that be love, attention or a cup of milk. However, I struggle the most when multiple kids need multiple things from me at the same time. I wish I could clone myself or have another set of arms to meet everyone's needs. This happens the most around meal times. This is the most chaotic time during the day. There are usually six individuals hovering around our kitchen island while trying to get meals ready. My husband and I have a system but it is definitely not perfected yet. He is usually the one doing most of the cooking. I try to get plates out, cut up fruit, open up packs of sting cheese, etc. Cheerios have become my secret weapon. If dinner isn't ready but the babies are hangry (usually Emma), I put them in their highchair with a handful of cheerios and they are happy little campers. This helps free up my arms so that I can get food to each kid quicker.

How do you manage the day-to-day routines with four young children?

My husband and I rely on having a consistent schedule. On the weekend, our day revolves around the sacred nap time. If one kid loses their nap time, no big deal. If four children miss their nap, all hell breaks loose. This is why we protect nap time at all costs. Our kids usually nap somewhere between 12:00 and 3:00. We will go to places like the library, grocery story or Grandma and Grandpa's during the day but we make sure we are home for nap time. We have found that having a predictable routine does somehow make it easier for our children when we do step out of our normal day to day schedule. Meal times are usually at a consistent time as well. We try to follow their schedule at daycare as much as possible to provide predictability and consistency. We have also fallen into patterns in regards to who does what around the house. I usually manage the laundry and toy pick up while Josh cleans the kitchen and takes out the trash. This doesn't mean that I don't clean the kitchen or Josh doesn't do laundry, we have just fallen into our predictable roles and routines that helps us maintain our home on a daily basis. Predictability in all aspects is key for us when managing day-to-day routines.

What are some strategies you use to ensure each child gets individual attention and feels valued?

I have had to reconstruct what individual attention and time looks like with four babies. In my brain, I had envisioned that I would be able to create these magical moments of taking each kid on a regular basis out to eat or on a fun excursion one on one. Not to say that we can't do this, but it is not something we can do consistently. Quality time can look like ten minutes playing with one child without distractions. Unfortunately, this can also be difficult but carving time within our individual structures has been helpful. Elliott loves to help me switch the laundry around. As mundane as it sounds, it is something we have bonded over together. We often have the most meaningful conversations as I'm putting clothes away in their room. I try to create moments within our daily lives when each child feels my love and undivided attention.

How has having two sets of twins affected your relationship with your partner?

Whew! Where do I even start with this question? Everything, it has impacted everything in our relationship. We have grown so much as a couple and as parents. We have seen each other in our best and worst moments. We have had to figure out how to be in the hospital with a two week old for three nights while still taking care of two toddlers and another newborn at home. We have both been very sleep deprived while trying to figure out how to take care of four kids under two. We have learned the importance of open communication. If we aren't seeing eye to eye on something, we sometimes need to remind each other that we are on the same team with the goal of doing what's best for our kids. We might have different approaches to how we do that but we ultimately want the same thing. It has been amazing to watch Josh become a father. He has embraced and enjoyed fatherhood to the fullest extent. Due to having two babies at once, he has always been extremely hands on since day one. He had never really been around babies prior to us having our boys. He had to ask the nurses in the hospital how to hold a baby. Since then, he has been fully immersed. He was the first one to change our babies due to me recovering from a c-section. He got up to feed a baby multiple times with me in the middle of the night and has changed mountains of poopy diapers. He is continuously thinking about and putting his family first. He thrives in his "Fatherhood Era" and it has been the most incredible thing to witness. Walking through the gift and challenge of having two sets of twins has led me to love and appreciate him more than I ever thought possible.

What advice do you have for other parents of multiples?

Parenting twins is a true trial by fire. Give yourself grace, communicate with your partner and work together. Having multiples can feel extremely isolating and make you feel hard to relate to. Surround yourself with a supportive tribe that you can rely on. For me that has been my parents and fellow parents of multiples. Last year we connected with a family with toddler triplets that live in our neighborhood. We are figuring out how to parent multiples at the same time and have been each other's sounding board. It has been incredible having someone who truly understands my day to day reality. Your tribe can also be an online community. Finding different Facebook groups and people on Instagram with twins has given me an outlet to see that I am not the only one experiencing the things we are experiencing. Building this type of community makes me feel less like an anomaly.

How do you prioritize self-care and time for yourself amidst the demands of raising four children?

This has looked different for me at different phases of parenthood. When I was home on maternity leave, self care looked like putting on a face mask with some eye patches while feeding two babies. It was having my husband watch the kids when he get got home from work so I could take a hot shower and be in a room by myself for a few minutes. My husband is an extroverted person and recharges by connecting with friends. This is something we have been trying to better prioritize. In this phase of parenthood, one of us is able to watch the kids and put them to bed on our own. At least once a month, we try to prioritize time for each of us to get out of the house and meet up with friends. It is so easy to get consumed by motherhood that you forget who you are outside of your family. Reaching out and connecting with friends has been a great reminder of who I am outside of being Mommy.

Have you noticed any unique bonds or connections between the siblings, especially between the two sets of twins?

The older boys have always been close. It has been so fun to watch the bond between them grown and evolve. Their personalities are polar opposite but compliment each other so perfectly. Even their beds are pushed together and they sleep side by side. My favorite sound is hearing the belly laughing on the monitor when they are supposed to be sleeping. When we brought Emma and Isaac home from the hospital, they were immediately obsessed. They love "their" babies deeply. They never showed any jealously or resentment towards them. Noah and Elliott love to play with the littles. They love to sit with them, hug them and kiss them good night. The only time they get frustrated with the babies is when they take a toy they are playing with. Emma and Isaac noticed and interacted with each other much earlier than the boys every did. They were constantly crawling and grabbing at each other. I cannot wait to see how the dynamic between and amongst each set of twins grows.

How do you handle the logistics of transportation and outings with two sets of twins?

It does take a little bit of planning when transporting a crew that requires four car seats. I drive a Kia Carnival (fitting name for our family circus) and can take all four kids at once. Josh drives a Chevy four door truck. His truck has car seats for the older boys. I drop off and pick up the babies at day care on a day to day basis and Josh does the same with the boys. When we go somewhere as a whole family, we obviously take the the mini-van. It gets a little tricky if Josh needs to pick up the babies or all four kids from daycare. This is usually on days when I know I have to work late. We swap vehicles in the morning. I then take the older boys to daycare and Josh takes the babies. Where we have had issues is if one of the babies gets sick at daycare and I cannot leave work. This has only happened once. My mom has car seats for the babies in her vehicle and was able to do pick up and Josh met her at home. When I say it takes a village, I really mean it!

How do you maintain a sense of balance and harmony in your household?

Well....we don't. Balance does not really exist for us. Harmony is when all children are playing nicely with each other and no one is crying or demanding a snack. All jokes aside, I've learned that everything in life is a phase. The sleepless newborn phase comes and goes. The potty training two stubborn toddlers phase we are currently in will pass as well. With each phase comes something different that throws the balance out of wack and. causes us to realign again. As someone who loves structures and routines, I am learning to appreciate each phase and embrace our unbalanced life. I know the empty nester phase will come sooner than we hope.

Have you noticed any similarities or differences in the personalities of the two sets of twins?

When I was pregnant with our oldest boys, I had the preconceived notion that they would have similar personalities due to them being twins. That could not be farther from the truth. Each child is so uniquely different. It has been interesting to see how differently they develop when their life experiences are essentially the same. Noah and Elliott have very different and unique personalities. Elliott is in tune and hyper aware of everyone's emotions. His goal is to try to make everyone around him as happy as possible. This gift also comes with stronger emotions and sometimes bigger meltdowns. I work really hard with Elliott on ways to process and work through strong emotions.

Noah is very methodical and inquisitive. He absorbs new information like a sponge and genuinely loves to learn. He loves to create scenarios with his toys and pretend. At times, this has led to him focusing so much on something that he loses the sense of the world around him. Emma looks like Noah but feels emotions like Elliott. This girl loves love and never turns down cuddles. She showers her brothers with hugs and follows them around the house. She absolutely adores them. She is very aware of her environment and what adults are in the room. She has a preferred adult in whatever situation she is in. I believe this is due to wanting to ensure she feels safe in any environment. The Lord knew what he was doing when he gave us Isaac. This child is laid back, easy-going, and happy almost all the time. When he does cry, it is usually because he got hurt or someone took his toy. He is almost always smiling and we are starting to see his sense of humor emerge. Isaac has become the daycare center mascot, walking from room to room smiling and saying hi to all the adults. This child is literal sunshine.

How do you manage childcare and schooling arrangements for four young children?

Josh and I both work outside of the home. Josh is in industrial sales and I work in education. We had conversations around what would be best for our family and determined that it made the most sense for both of us to continue to work. We currently have our children enrolled in a daycare we absolutely adore. We were at a previous daycare with the boys and did not love it. We were not happy with the supervision and lack of structure. We knew several people who had their children at the center we are currently at and they raved about it. I got our name on the wait list and may or may not have contacted the director regularly. Our kids have grown and developed so much since being at this daycare. They are all so loved by the adults there. I cannot speak highly enough about our experience having our children in daycare.

Working in education, I am lucky to have longer breaks and about six weeks off during the summer. This decreases our daycare costs and allows me more time with my kids. The time in the summer has been such a gift for me and my babies.

What are your favorite activities or traditions to do as a family?

We love anything where we are all together. Our favorite activities involve sunshine and water. Our children love any summer activity. Nothing beats playing barefoot in the backyard before bed time or visiting a new park. The older boys love riding their scooters around the neighborhood while I push the babies in the stroller. We also love afternoons out at my family's farm. Nothing beats combine rides with Grandpa, being pushed on the swing by Grandma and playing with cousins. This summer they are finally old enough to sign up for swimming lessons, soccer camp and blast ball. They thrive when they are active and we cannot wait to get them into organized activities.

Top 10 Indoor Toys for Toddler Twins: Fun and Interactive Toys to Avoid Cabin Fever

As parents of three year old twin boys and one-year-old twins, we know firsthand the joy (and chaos!) that comes with raising multiples. All our kids are extremely active and full of energy so we attempt to get outside as much as possible. In Iowa, that is not always possible during the winter months. In December and January the sun sets as early as 4:30 and is often dark by the time we get home after daycare pick up. Even when it is light out, it is so cold out that if we do make it outside, we're back inside within fifteen minutes. It can be difficult to avoid cabin fever. For all of our sanity, we have found that is extremely important to have engaging and interactive toys for the days when we can't get outside. After countless hours of playtime and lots of laughter, I've compiled a list of our favorite toys that have been a hit with our highly energetic children. From imaginative play to educational fun, these toys have been loved by our toddlers and kept them engaged for hours on end. Whether you're a parent of twins or simply looking for some new toy ideas, we hope this list inspires you and brings as much entertainment in your home as it has to ours!

Magnetic Building Tiles

Magnetic building tiles have single handedly saved our sanity! Our boys have gotten so many hours of entertainment building and constructing with this toy. The set I have linked is our favorite in terms the number and variety of tiles. We have purchased this particular set twice, on top of a couple other magnetic building tile sets. Magnatiles is the most well known brand and has a higher price point. For this reason, we have the Picasso Tile brand. The main difference between the two is that the Magnatiles are riveted together and the Picasso tiles are snapped and glued together. Some moms prefer the riveted for peace of mind that they are more secure and the magnets won't come out. However, we have never had any issues with the Picasso tiles splitting apart. We have had some pretty tall towers fall and they have never broken. I have only noticed the plastic on a couple tiles being slightly chipped. I immediately threw those away in an abundance of caution since we also have twin one-year olds walking around.

Duplos

Our boys love to build, construct and play pretend. Duplos have been the perfect toy for all of those purposes. I played with Duplos when I was little and my mom still has them at her house for when the grandkids come over. They are over twenty five years old and still the most played with toy amongst all eight of her grand babies. We have quite a few different sets that build things like an amusement park or space shuttle. However, I love how they can all be combined to make whatever your kids think up. We also have a couple Duplo mats that they can build off on. Our boys have fun constructing and building but then are also able to play the scenario they have created. The set I have linked on the collage is not a set we currently have but know our boys would love!

Convertible Play Couch

We got our convertible play couch for the boys for their second birthday. At first they were not sure what to make of it and didn't understand why we bought them "cushions" for their birthday. It took them a little time to understand how they could play with the play couch but it has been used constantly since. It has become a barn, a ramp for hot wheel cars, an obstacle course and a cozy nest for movie nights. It can also be used as beds for sleep overs. We also have friends who have two or three of these couches and say that the more you have, the cooler things your kids will create. The original brand of these couches is called Nugget but there are many dupes and look a likes that are more reasonably priced. The one linked is the brand that we have. I was able to get ours during a Black Friday sale from Kohl's and has held up extremely well. The cover of the material is very durable and can be taken off and thrown in the wash if needed.

Superhero Cape/Mask Set

Our set of superhero capes, masks and snap bracelets were a gift for their third birthday party. Our boys have been in a big superhero phase lately. They love running around the house and playing superhero, especially Spidey. Elliott uses the snap bracelets as his "web shooters" and the source of his super powers. The one year old babies also get in on the fun and love to walk around in the capes and masks as well. These have been a fun way for the boys to dress up and engage in imaginative play while running around the house burning some energy.

Play Kitchen

We LOVE our play kitchen. It is a toy that has grown with all our children and has allowed for different levels of developmental play. The boys make us pretend treats and pop all the time. The babies enjoy standing up and putting things on the grill to "cook."

We have the Little Tikes Cook 'n Play Outdoor BBQ. It is smaller in size so a great option if you have limited space. Ours sits by the window where they can see Daddy grilling on the deck and love to grill when Daddy is grilling. It comes with a couple plates, cups and pretend food but we did need to purchase more play food. There are plenty of play kitchens on the market in a variety of price ranges. Ours is not one I would recommend to everyone. Find one that fits your space and budget and I guarantee your kids will love it!

Shopping Cart

Just like our play kitchen, all of our children love the shopping cart. We have the Melissa and Doug shopping cart and I'm pretty sure this thing will outlive me. This thing is built to last! It looks and operates like just a regular sized shopping cart, has a place to put a baby doll. and glides easily on any flooring. Our oldest boys love to put toys in it to move them from room to room. Emma and Isaac use it as a walker and do laps around our house.

Mini Trampline

I know this toy recommendation is a little out there. Stick with me on this one. We were at a friend's house for dinner and noticed they had one of these mini-trampolines in their toy room. Did it take up a large part of their room? Absolutely! But all the kids were completely obsessed with it. They were playing and jumping nonstop. We had space to put one up in the corner of our basement and we have loved it. It's a great way to get the extra wiggles out on days when it is impossible to get outside. It has a seven foot diameter and about six and a half feet tall. I also put ball pit balls in the trampoline for a little extra fun. If you have the space, I highly recommend this if you have extra busy, high energy kids.

Toniebox

I fell victim to an Instagram targeted ad and bought two Tonieboxes for the boys on Amazon Prime Day. You purchase the Toniebox and then buy Tonies that you put on top to play music and stories. I originally purchased the Tonieboxes with the intent that they be a quiet activity for the boys but they always manage to make everything a little extra chaotic. They currently love to play a song on the Toniebox and run around it as frantically as possible while giggling. This toy has been a saving grace during potty training and is easy to pack and take on trips. Our youngest set of twins is obsessed with the Tonieboxes and carry them all over the house. New Tonies make great little gifts for Easter baskets and stocking stuffers. It is something I tell family members when they ask about possible gift ideas.

Cozy Coupe

I know you probably think I'm nuts for this one. Let me explain. We had purchased a Cozy Coupe in the early spring for the boys when they were just a little over one. We let them play with it in the house until it got warm enough to take outside. Our foyer, front living room and kitchen are connected and create a loop around the stairwell that the boys took the Cozy Coupes around. By the time it got warm out, they loved having them in the house and actually liked them inside more than when we took the cars outside to play. Riding the cars around the loop has been a great way to burn some energy during the super cold months. Our second set of twins are obsessed with them as well. They love to push and be pushed around in these cars. This is one of the first things they used to stand up and use as a walker. Our new favorite thing to do with them is play "car wash." Yes, my baseboards are shot, but my sanity is not. To me, that's worth the cost of a can of paint and box of Magic Erasers.

Wooden Triangle Climber

We were given a wooden triangle climber as a hand-me-down from a friend. All of our kids are playing in it or on it regularly. The boys love to climb the rock wall while the babies love to crawl inside and play peek-a-boo. It is not uncommon to have all four kids playing with it at the same time. It has been a house, a barn, Spidey Headquarters, and a great hide-and-seek spot. It allows them to be active while encouraging imaginative play. This toy is extremely sturdy and has a relatively small footprint of just over nine square feet in comparison to the utility of the structure.